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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nThat is not the first time when Sameena had heard those lines. As far as she can remember, \u2018Pagah chui wariv ghar gasun (Kal ko doosre ghar jana hai)\u2019 has always been twirling around her. And not just from her mother, but from every other person. As if the girl is born only to go to her sasural.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whether she talks loudly or disagrees with anyone in the family, the line is casually thrown upon her. Sometimes even followed by \u2018Pagah wannai majji ous ne kihin hesnowmuth (Tomorrow, they will say, her mother didn\u2019t teach her anything)\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sadly, sometimes even the male siblings casually say things\nlike, \u2018Dekh ladki hai, ladki ban k reh, nahi to kal ko sasural se wapas\nbejenge\u2019. The casual sexism towards female siblings eventually reflects in\ntheir married life too. All thanks to their bad upbringing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As someone said, the only thing a son is supposed to do is to be born. Then it\u2019s all a la la land for him. Rarely, mothers say anything to their sons except \u2018wadan kyazi chukh, koor chukha? (why are you crying? Are you a girl?)\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n The melodrama doesn\u2019t end her. Sisters are expected to do their\nbrother\u2019s work. Be it making the bed, ironing the clothes, and similar other\nthings. Those are basic chores that a human being should know how to do, but\nsadly, in the desi culture, it\u2019s reserved for women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I once did the mistake of confronting my mother by saying why can\u2019t my brother make his own bed? As is obvious, she said, \u2018Pagah wankhe wariv ti yi? (are you going to say same thing to your husband?\u2019 In my head, I was like yes, why not? But I didn\u2019t say a word. That was the moment I realized how deeply ingrained are the words like \u2018wariv and \u2018koori mohniv\u2019 for Kashmiri women. They just cannot see beyond it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s so strange seeing all this come from a woman herself.\nShe has been in the same position yet when she can make a change by raising a\ngood son, she chooses the other way – controlling her daughter. I get it,\nsasural is a difficult place and our mothers are just preparing us for the\nbattle ahead but things would have been a lot easier if men were taught a thing\nor two.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are a mother reading this, change doesn\u2019t come from outside. We all need to take small steps. And, as they say, charity begins at home, you need to start treating your sons and daughters equally. And stop saying, ‘pagah chui wariv ghar gasun.’<\/p>\n\n\n\n I really wish to see \u2018pagah chui wariv ghar gasun\u2019 as a\nshow-off statement. Or even better, mothers telling their sons, \u2018kal ko bahu\nayegi kuch chezei seekh le. Izzat rakh humari\u2019.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Dear moji, please stop with \u2018Pagah chui wariv ghar gasun\u2019 Sameena (10) and her brother (12) were fighting over the remote when she heard her mother shout, \u2018Sameena, kya chakh karaan. Pagah chui wariv ghar gasun.\u2019 That is not the first time when Sameena had heard those lines. As far as she can remember, \u2018Pagah […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2960,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[125],"tags":[118],"class_list":["post-2946","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","tag-kashmiri-wedding"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.khandarstudio.com\/nikah\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/ks_blog_wriv2.jpg\")
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